Voca Ecclesia

A Suggestion for Using "Living the Xian Year"

2011-01-29T19:49:00.001-07:00

Hey friends: I spend a lot of time with my fellow exiled evangelicals, those of us immersing ourselves in long-standing formational disciplines and trying to be human again. There are a huge number of questions out there about how to tie ourselves into these "new-to-us" spiritual disciplines that we believe to be so meaningful but can feel elusive and hard to practice. The book (Living the Christian Year) is a great primer to engage us in the Christian calendar and it's story but also for using a daily office. If you're wondering how to plug into this, here's a quick suggestion for using the book as daily practice:

Sunday: read the introductory paragraph and pray the four movements: Approaching GOD, Presenting Myself, Inviting GOD's Presence, Closing Prayer.

Monday-Thursday/Friday: Read and meditate the first three movements of prayer then one of the scripture readings. Go slow. Chew on it. Forget that you might know "the answers." Then read through the associated paragraph (marked in bold beneath the scripture readings on the page) and allow yourself to answer the questions honestly. Pray the closing prayer.

Friday/Saturday: Read the introductory paragraph and see how your initial reactions may have changed or been reinforced since the beginning of the week. Prayer the four movements of prayer, perhaps reading the psalm again.

This isn't the only way, or even the best way, but it's a great starting place if you're struggling to engage or get started. It won't always be illuminating or profound, but sometimes the greatest formational act is just showing up.

Peace to you this week!
Jodi

Advent Conspiracy

2010-11-11T12:35:00.000-07:00

My kids and I have come to an agreement: one store bought gift this year; then any other presents must be personal, meaningfully created or planned. This is our act of defiance to those things that fuel our own consumerism or the emphasis on buying and extravagance that creeps into the season..

Oy. Here's the thing. I work full time. I'm raising three kids in three different life stages. My husband is balancing a full time work schedule with being a full time grad student. Oh, and I have a chronic illness that totally and completely kicks my arse a few days out of the week.

So why on earth did I agree to this? Surely this seems crazy and time consuming, right?

A few things...the first is that I believe [and know experientially] that the things that seem to have the most meaning to the people I love are things that can't be bought, can't be marketed; but also just things that communicate "you are worth my time, my energy. you are worth the sacrifice I made to create this for you." Since this is a mindset I seek to cultivate in myself and in my children, I thought it was time to put my money where my mouth is...so to speak.

Secondly, [here comes a confession] I've been trying to inventory where I give loud lip service to values that don't line up with my choices, even the seemingly small ones. Materialism (ew, I shudder just saying it and fear what people must think with that word choice) is a place where the justifications flow easily. Time. to. change.

The third and much more practical one is that the practice of this will force me to slow down, ironically. It's hard to rush around or waste time with TV, mindless practices or chatter, or unintentional living when I've got a long list of fabulous gifts to make for the people I love

Lastly [though this is hardly an exhaustive list] is this: there's something mystical about slowly working over something, crafting something meaningful and beautiful while waiting for this great day to come...it reminds me again that I'm part of something very human and very sacred...and very rooted in generations past.

I've been spending a bit of time pouring over books, magazines, and old diaries to see what will resonate with the people in my life. If you're interested in being part of the Advent Conspiracy, check out the website here or send me an email. Maybe we can collaborate!

2010-10-12T07:28:00.001-06:00

It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it. / Oscar Wilde

GOD is here: alive, pulsing, energetic, renewing, beautiful, wonder-filled

2010-04-06T12:33:00.000-06:00

This is art, mystery, regeneration, holistic connection. This is a gorgeous glimpse of the Divine. This is grace.
Greg Harris performing @ the Crystal Grotto

GOD is dead.

2010-04-03T09:33:00.000-06:00

A meditation

Forgetting Those Who Have Gone Before Us

2010-02-22T13:53:00.003-07:00

In the Protestant and particularly Evangelical stream of Christianity, we seem to have a problem with heroes. That is, unless they are Biblical.

Talk to a practicing Catholic and mention the name of St. Francis, St. Jude, St. Catherine, St. Teresa and so on, and they can probably give you at least a basic rundown of their story and why they are significant. Ask an Evangelical about people like Calvin, Luther, Wesley, and even contemporaries like Chuck Colson or Billy Graham and very few could probably give their story any justice.

It seems like we have become so afraid of idolatry and excess that we have abandoned the practice. We point to the deification of some of the Catholic Saints, the ways which their stories have become twisted, and so we give it up.

While the official process of canonization might have plenty of issues, the way I see it is that it is the RCC saying: "Hey everybody, here is somebody who we believe has added to or exemplified the life of the Church, and we want to remember their story and celebrate what they did, so here is the day that we recommend you share their story with your congregation."

Sure, us Evangelicals may have a good grasp on the stories of Abraham, David, Jonah, Peter, and Paul, but do we know about the people who helped start the church we attend, or who presented a strong Christian witness in our community 100 years ago, the people who have died even in the last 20 years because of Jesus?

Why are we so afraid to remember these stories, celebrate the lives of those devoted to God, give examples of a faithful life? Are we concerned that it will not enhance but instead take away from our worship of God? Do we believe that the lives of the Biblical heroes will always be more relevant than those in our own day and age? Perhaps something else?

In any case, maybe it is time we re-evaluate this position. Maybe it is time to share the stories of those voices who have called out from the wilderness, from the city, from the mountain, from the slum, and for us to listen.

Why Beauty Matters

2009-12-12T09:40:00.002-07:00

This is wonderful and provocative. Plus, everything sounds better with a British accent. ;-)

BBC iPlayer - Why Beauty Matters

Our Advent Invitation :: Say Yes by Andrea Gibson

2009-11-29T14:33:00.001-07:00

when two violins are placed in a room
if a chord on one violin is struck
the other violin will sound the note
if this is your definition of hope
this is for you
the ones who know how powerful we are
who know we can sound the music in the people around us
simply by playing our own strings
for the ones who sing life into broken wings
open their chests and offer their breath
as wind on a still day when nothing seems to be moving
spare those intent on proving god is dead
for you when your fingers are red
from clutching your heart
so it will beat faster
for the time you mastered the art of giving yourself for the sake of someone else
for the ones who have felt what it is to crush the lies
and lift truth so high the steeples bow to the sky

this is for you

this is also for the people who wake early to watch flowers bloom
who notice the moon at noon on a day when the world
has slapped them in the face with its lack of light
for the mothers who feed their children first
and thirst for nothing when they’re full

this is for women

and for the men who taught me only women bleed with the moon
but there are men who cry when women bleed
men who bleed from women’s wounds
and this is for that moon
on the nights she seems hung by a noose
for the people who cut her loose
and for the people still waiting for the rope to burn
about to learn they have scissors in their hands

this is for the man who showed me
the hardest thing about having nothing
is having nothing to give
who said the only reason to live is to give ourselves away
so this is for the day we’ll quit or jobs and work for something real
we’ll feel for sunshine in the shadows
look for sunrays in the shade
this is for the people who rattle the cage that slave wage built
and for the ones who didn’t know the filth until tonight
but right now are beginning songs that sound something like
people turning their porch lights on and calling the homeless back home

this is for all the shit we own
and for the day we’ll learn how much we have
when we learn to give that shit away
this is for doubt becoming faith
for falling from grace and climbing back up
for trading our silver platters for something that matters
like the gold that shines from our hands when we hold each other

this is for the grandmother who walked a thousand miles on broken glass
to find that single patch of grass to plant a family tree
where the fruit would grow to laugh
for the ones who know the math of war
has always been subtraction
so they live like an action of addition
for you when you give like every star is wishing on you
and for the people still wishing on stars
this is for you too

this is for the times you went through hell so someone else wouldn’t have to
for the time you taught a 14 year old girl she was powerful
this is for the time you taught a 14 year old boy he was beautiful
for the radical anarchist asking a republican to dance
cause what’s the chance of everyone moving from right to left
if the only moves they see are NBC and CBS
this is for the no becoming yes
for scars becoming breath
for saying i love you to people who will never say it to us
for scraping away the rust and remembering how to shine
for the dime you gave away when you didn’t have a penny
for the many beautiful things we do
for every song we’ve ever sung
for refusing to believe in miracles
because miracles are the impossible coming true
and everything is possible

this is for the possibility that guides us
and for the possibilities still waiting to sing
and spread their wings inside us
cause tonight saturn is on his knees
proposing with all of his ten thousand rings
that whatever song we’ve been singing we sing even more
the world needs us right now more than it ever has before
pull all your strings
play every chord
if you’re writing letters to the prisoners
start tearing down the bars
if you’re handing our flashlights in the dark
start handing our stars
never go a second hushing the percussion of your heart
play loud
play like you know the clouds have left too many people cold and broken
and you’re their last chance for sun
play like there’s no time for hoping brighter days will come
play like the apocalypse is only 4…3…2
but you have a drum in your chest that could save us
you have a song like a breath that could raise us
like the sunrise into a dark sky that cries to be blue
play like you know we won’t survive if you don’t
but we will if you do
play like saturn is on his knees
proposing with all of his ten thousand rings
that we give every single breath
this is for saying–yes

Diary of the Sarcastic Ophelia :: Entry 2

2009-11-23T09:50:00.003-07:00

"There's a writer who said

'GOD thinks in the genius,

dreams in the poets,
and sleeps in the rest of humanity..."

The Kingdom of GOD is like...

2009-11-23T09:43:00.002-07:00

The Dark Night of the Evangelical Soul.

2009-11-17T17:08:00.013-07:00

In my studies this semester, I have been presented with the idea of the Dark Night. This was perhaps best articulated by John of the Cross and Teresa of Avila, but it has gained in popularity in recent years, including acceptance in the realm of pop-religion.

It is an idea which exists in the lives of the breadth of Christian tradition, even if the phrase "Dark Night" is not used. Some other word pictures that may shed some light on this state is purification, molding, shaping. It is not a single solitary event as much as our awareness of our growth into the people that God created us to be. Sometimes it is a very painful time, where ways we approached God no longer give us joy, where God seems distant or absent. But it is not always so. While Dark Night is full of rich symbolism, it is perhaps an incomplete picture. But it will suffice.

In considering my own journey at this point in time, I find myself in the midst of some deeper purification, or at least on the cusp of it.

As I look around in the "post-evangelical" world which I trod, I wonder if perhaps the Evangelical movement as a whole is in the midst of a Dark Night.

In part of his wonderful book "The Dark Night of the Soul," Gerald May speaks examines if social systems can go through collective Dark Nights. He states: "Few would doubt that Western society has been undergoing the painful demise of old values and traditions, and the new substitutes generally don't seem promising. This is of course nothing new; humanity has been through such cycles many times before. On each occasion though, the question seems to deepen: Can we fix it this time? Is there really any way out?"

In recent years claims have surfaced about a coming (or perhaps, current) crisis for Evangelicals. Some claim that a concerted effort by Evangelicals must be made lest society fall into severe decline (such as the contributors to The Coming Evangelical Crisis: Current Challenges to Authority of Scripture and the Gospel). Others like Michael Spencer see this as resulting in the death of Evangelicalism as we know it (http://www.csmonitor.com/2009/0310/p09s01-coop.html). In either case, things look pretty bad. The alliances that Evangelicals forged with organizations like Focus on the Family and the Moral Majority are wearing thin, people are rejecting the "seeker sensitive" approach of many churches and flocking towards more "traditional" churches. The hot button issues that Evangelicals rallied around are less clear. So many of us have begun calling ourselves Post-Evangelical, keeping what we value from the tradition and leaving the rest.

But perhaps it would behoove us to look at this crisis in another light, that of the Dark Night. As May conveys, perhaps this is "not due to something gone terribly wrong. It might be a sign of something going exquisitely right, of divine action carrying us darkly through spaces where we would not go and could not go on our own, towards a place of greater freedom and love." It is true that many of our practices of being Evangelicals no longer function like they did before, but is that really what it means to be Evangelical? What if this place where it seems God has fled and left Evangelicals to the wolves is the only way for us to let go and give God control again. The attempts to fix things have all fallen flat, if not backfired. I think that might be just what we need.

So what is the right response? Do we continue to try to fix things on our own, or do we let go. I think that is a question that we need to ask ourselves as a community. Are we letting go of what we dislike of Evangelical culture, only to grab on to something else and claim that it is better because it has the weight of tradition behind it. If so, I wonder how far we could go with that. Maybe we are asking the wrong questions. Not what is good and what is bad, but instead what is God trying to teach us. It is true that many of the ways that we used to worship became idols, the object of our worship. We must be careful to not replace these old idols with ones just as strong. Do we respond to God or end up feeling like Jeremiah, claiming "O LORD, you have deceived me, and I was deceived; you are stronger than I, and you have prevailed. I have become a laughingstock all the day; everyone mocks me" (Jer 20:7).

Are we motivated by a desire to distance ourselves from Evangelicalism and all its baggage, or are we drawn by the simple love of God?

I think these are important questions for us to answer, both individually and as a community. If we are simply changing our practices but not our hearts, we will find ourselves in the same place we were before, embittered by this new way of doing church which was supposed to fix everything.

But I am only one voice, and the thing about the Dark Night is that it is terribly hard to figure it out on your own. You need the wisdom of others to help you become aware of what is going on. So I wonder if even as a community if we can see this clearly, or if we need those outside to give us clarity when we have it not.

I have spoken long enough for now. I would very much covet hearing what you might have to add to this conversation.

May the Peace of Christ be with you all.

-Daniel James

I Imagine the Eyes of Jesus Were...

2009-11-06T12:09:00.002-07:00

painting by Rick Overby, Ecclesia Denver

commissioned for our last jazz liturgy
4' x 6' / acrylic on wood

Give us this day

2009-11-06T11:10:00.001-07:00

Let us remember that the life in which we ought to be interested is "daily" life. We can, each of us, only call the present time our own... Our Lord tells us to pray for today, and so he prevents us from tormenting ourselves about tomorrow. It is as if [God] were to say to us: "[It is I] who gives you this day [and] will also give you what you need for this day. [It is I] who makes the sun to rise. [It is I] who scatters the darkness of night and reveals to you the rays of the sun.

---from On the Lord's Prayer by Gregory of Nyssa:
(as quoted in The Quotidian Mysteries: Laundry, Liturgy and "Women's Work.")

Be Still My Soul

2009-06-17T09:51:00.003-06:00

Several weeks ago I started to memorize the first verse to the song “Be Still My Soul”. I planned to use it as comfort and strength through my labor. Each line jumped out at me as speaking directly toward different aspects that I would be experiencing through the process. Almost every night for the past four weeks I have sung the verse to myself over and over envisioning using it to focus through contractions.

Be still my Soul the Lord is on your side
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain
Leave to your God to order and provide
Through every change God faithful will remain
Be still my Soul your best, your heavenly friend
Through thorny ways brings to a joyful end

Yesterday, I was told that I needed to have a c-section. At 40 weeks and 6 days pregnant, I have a baby that is not descending into my pelvis and remains “high” in my uterus. I also have a cervix that looks no different today than it did 9 months ago despite trying many different methods to get both situations to change. In a quest to discover what could be going on, I went in for a very extensive ultrasound. It showed I have a very healthy, happy baby who moves A LOT, with a strong heartbeat. From what we can tell, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the baby. But the umbilical cord is clearly wrapped around its neck which is what they suspect is holding the baby up so high, preventing the pressure needed for effacement and dilation to have started to occur by now.

On top of this, the baby was measuring at 9 lbs 11 oz. Ultrasounds can be inaccurate on this, on average +/- 1 pound. However, that still leaves a baby that could be around 8 lbs 11oz if looking toward the lower end of possibility. Definitely a baby I could deliver (my son was 8lb 9oz), but it was felt that it was still a heavy enough baby that if it suddenly dropped into my pelvis with the cord around its neck it could create a bad situation. If left to go into labor on my own, there could be a strong possibility, that at the very least, the baby could be choked and have a very stressful birth. At the worse…well…we can all imagine. Of course there remains the possibility that the baby could be born vaginally with no problems. After all, babies are born with cords around their necks all the time. And who knows what could change in the days ahead? However, my husband and I had to weigh one set of risks against another and ultimately concluded that the risks of having a vaginal birth outweighed the risks of a c-section. And so, we scheduled the surgery for today.

But this decision didn’t come without disappointment, anger and grief.

I know that many of you reading this don’t understand that at all. I know many of you have only experienced c-section births and thought it was great. Little pain, except for healing. Quick delivery. Baby with a perfectly round head. Whole process over in less than an hour. My daughter was a c-section. And despite the complications I experienced with mine, I understand where some of you are coming from. Especially if you’ve had one c-section, doing the same with subsequent births seems easier than trying for a VBAC.

Some of you kinda get what I feel. You have had vaginal births and know that it can be an amazing experience. Fortunately, many of you have never had to make the decision whether to deliver this way or not. But maybe you still don’t understand why I would WANT to go through labor. After all, it can be long. It hurts. A lot. It’s tiring. I know many parents who don’t see the process as a highlight for them. That the baby at the end is all that matters. Bring on the drugs and let’s just get to the baby. I get this point of view, too. My son was a VBAC. I was in labor for 32 hours. It was long and hard and in the end I ended up with an epidural, which really did make the last eight hours wonderful as I got to rest to prepare to eventually push out a very healthy baby.

I don’t in any way want to imply that anyone who has had only c-sections is any less of a parent because of that. Or that a medicated birth makes you a wimp. That if you never tried a VBAC when the opportunity presented itself that you just caved into your fears. We all have our own stories. We all have our reasons for doing things the way we have done them. And regardless of the birth experience you have, you can still be a wonderful parent to your child. Please hear me loud and clear on that one. I am just explaining my personal reasons for why I am grieving. What I feel I’m missing out on. Why having a natural birth meant so much to me.

For me, birth is more than just a healthy baby in the end. Of COURSE this is the most important, but it’s not the ONLY thing that is important to me. Birth for me has so much more meaning than just getting the baby out of my belly. I strongly believe that God designed the process of birth to be the way it is for a reason. I think it prepares us for parenthood in an unique way that only labor and birth can. I think there is something spiritual about trusting God’s design of your body… that it WAS made to birth. It forces you to release fear and surrender to a process that you can’t control. There are only a handful of opportunities in a mother’s life to experience this amazing design the way it was intended. And for someone who values meaning and connection to generations before me, there is something about joining in with the millions of women before me who successfully birthed babies, some in the dirt, not with drugs, and they did it. And I wanted to do that with them. I think of all my reasons for a natural birth, this is the most difficult for me to articulate. So, I’ll just leave it at that.

There is also a bonding I felt with my son as we labored together knowing that he was working just as hard as I was to be born. The two of us were in this together which led to this feeling of “we did it” as I held him for the first time. And while I definitely don’t love my daughter any less than my son and absolutely was able to bond with her after her birth, there was something significantly different in how that all came about with her compared to how it happened with my son.

And so my plan was to experience the birthing process again with this baby. I wanted a chance to even “do it better” by my standards. Knowing what to expect, knowing what I could have done differently to make my labor even easier, knowing ahead of time that “I can DO this”…I was excited to do labor and delivery again, this time with the goal of staying home as long as possible to avoid drugs and the interventions that can come when the hospital staff discovers they’re dealing with a VBAC.

So many people are always surprised when I tell them I had a successful VBAC and that I would do it again. And so there is also a part of me that wanted to show that not only can it be done once but twice!

As a result, in the last 24 hours I’ve cried a lot. This is not what I had planned. But as my good friend pointed out to me last night, I have to still surrender to this birth. I have to surrender my expectations. I have to surrender my control. I have to surrender my perceptions and let go of the pressure I put on myself regarding who I think I need to be for others. It’s hard. But some of that process is what I believe birth does for a mom anyway. I’m just having to do it from a different approach.

Last night, the words to my song came back to me. I was immediately struck how line by line it still spoke to me but in a whole different and new way. As I work on releasing my anger at the unfairness I feel toward my situation I’m reminded the Lord is on my side. As I grieve the lost opportunity of a vaginal birth knowing this was my last child, I stay patient. And though this is an unexpected change in plans, God remains faithful. I believe He is a friend that will take this difficult situation and turn it into joy. Because in less than eight hours, I will be holding my new precious little one and my soul will be still.

Rest

2009-05-05T01:05:00.002-06:00

Creator of all things beautiful - let us find rest in you.

Amen.

EASTERTIDE BLOGGING

2009-05-04T11:41:00.005-06:00

Hi, friends! Easter-tide is the season of encountering Christ on unexpected paths, watching life emerge from the winter of our old expectations. For the next four weeks, we are invited to run into Christ revealed in the unexpected and the upside-down. What is happening to turn inside-out your expectations of Christ - who he is and how he is present here? What is surprising in its power to awaken you? Looking forward to seeing the monuments you build.

PSALM 23 :: a collaborative liturgy

2009-05-04T10:45:00.008-06:00

the Lord is my mentor /
my story-teller /
my parent with out-stretched arms

the Lord is my mother /
my soul-therapist /
my father-in law, Charlie /
my perspective-giver

i shall want for nothing

i'm led to a place of stillness /
to an inner peace and overwhelming conviction /
to a remembering of who you are and who i am

the soft arm of experiences - questions - guide me /
the slowly unfolding mystery and story /
they pull me along

even though i walk through days of doubt /
into an uncertain future /
through the times that assure me i am alone /
even though i walk into the unexplored places of my own soul /

i know you have gone before me /
sharing my unspoken doubts

i know you are there

i will fear no evil /
for i do not stand condemned /
for i know you move invisibly in the valleys of my own darkness

i feel you with me /
laughing with me in times of joy

your love washes over me lavishly /
your mystery cushions me

surely goodness-love-beauty-mercy will drape over me /
all the days of my life /
and i will live in the wide-awake presence of GOD
forever